Gina Rudan's Blog

7 Laws to Building Relationships

Recently I had dinner with a circle of new friends that have come into my life in the most unexpected ways. In a short time, I have learned a few things from these friends and others about how to grow and sustain your global tribe.  In the spirit of passing it forward, here are seven great insights to consider when building substantive new relationships.

1. Intimacy first. 

Rather than date your new friends, I say go straight into emotional intimacy mode with them. Because this is rarely done well, especially in the United States, you will seem more open and available, which is appealing.  So rather than picking off the leaves of the artichoke layer by layer, go straight for the heart.  

2. No transactional behavior allowed. 

I have said this before and will say it again, no transactional behavior allowed. When meeting new, interesting people, don’t come to the table in a transactional frame of mind. This means no pitching, soliciting, or posturing allowed.  What works best is sharing the quest for a good time without any expectations of returns. Your job is to focus on the connection and to provide meaning to the experience.

3. Your stories are your currency.

 I find this law to be especially true when meeting people of great wealth or power. Instead of shying away from these potentially rewarding relationships because of class hang-ups, dive right in and know your portfolio of life stories is all you need. This is tried-and-true.

4. Bring your partner along on the journey. 

Many of us meet amazing new people and keep them all to ourselves never bringing our partners into the fold of newfound fun. Be mindful to include your immediate tribe early on into the relationship so they feel included in your relationship-building journey. Many of us grow apart from our partners because we don’t bring them along on own growth experiences. It doesn’t have to be that way.

5. 14 days is all you have. 

If you meet someone amazing, be sure to follow up and have lunch or dinner with that person within 14 days of meeting him or her. Take risks, get intimate, share your whole self quickly (soft and hard assets) and reach out sooner than later.

6. Be a connector. 

When you meet new minds find out what they love, what they hate, what inspires them and what keeps them up at night and be proactive to add value early on. The best way to do just that is to broker new connections on their behalf. Introduce them immediately to other new friends and constantly add to the tribe as you are cultivating it. Don’t wait to make introductions after a year, do it early on. For example, If you know someone is heading to Japan and you have friends there, make a call, send an email and connect your new friend with an old friend.  Be proactive and the value of these friendships will grow exponentially.

7. Sustain the connection.

I think the greatest challenge many of us have is when we meet interesting people is that we start to get close and then we don’t do the work necessary to sustain the relationship. Relationships are like gardens, they need lots of love, sunlight, water, fertilizer, and sometimes they need pruning. Be mindful to water your garden or another gardener will come along and take your place.

 And that’s one to grow on!

Surround Yourself with Genius

Networking is a Science, Building Relationships is an Art

In January when I resigned from PR Newswire to launch my own practice, I set the goal to spend the entire year surrounding myself with genius. My hope was to spend this period in an inspired state of mind and I figured dedicating time to building meaningful relationships with the thought leaders I respect would help ease the start up pain that all entrepreneurs go through their first year out the gate. And wow, was I was right!

I am coming close to celebrating my first year in business and my focus on surrounding myself with genius has really heightened my quality of life.  Now some of you may view this goal as outrageous or unrealistic but I encourage you to consider doing the same. The learning is tremendous, the explorative quest is invigorating, and the bottom line is its downright pleasurable. Red velvet cake kind of pleasurable.

Now we all view and interpret genius differently and for me the true geniuses are those of us on this planet who are living a “hybrid life." Hybrids honor of our hard assets—our strengths, credibility and expertise—alongside and without compromise of our soft assets—our creative abilities, passions and values. Spending time with these hybrid geniuses (a.k.a. cultural modernists) is fantastic.

I don’t know if it was kickass luck last week, the power of intention, or my bold commitment to spend time with “phat brains” but last week was a record week for me. Here are a few highlights:

I spent an amazing two hours in the home of the amazing Sunny Bates <http://www.sunnybates.com/>. Sitting barefoot sitting on her couch, we drank wine and she shared her perspective on social entrepreneurism, innovation, and told me about her passion project, kickstarter.com <http://www.kickstarter.com/>, which was my favorite topic of the night. Sunny was genuine, funny, and a great example of a living, breathing, proactive, practical genius.

This experience was then followed by two days with the members of the Relationship Masters Academy. Yes, you read that correctly, I am actually enrolled in a year-long program to master meaningful relationships. And it was through this program that I was able to spend another 18 hours with a few more fabulous hybrids. My peer group in the class included an amazing writer and thought leader, a serial entrepreneur and an executive who is learning a few personal truths about family. Other amazing hybrids included a lawyer who is also a musician that doesn’t like to wear socks; a sexy British woman who left her corporate cocoon to follow her passion; and a ex-pat who shared her intimate concerns about moving from her home in Amsterdam to London. And I should not forget the amazing woman from Dallas who was the first to be bold enough to emotionally undress with me. You have to love a woman who takes to lead.

It’s easy to network and stay a social snorkeler your whole life but it’s a whole other experience to actually decide to emotionally deepdive with new people you meet. My approach is obviously the latter and I just want to encourage you to consider prioritizing, identifying, and cultivating these kinds of new relationships. The experience is priceless.

Here are a few tips for Surrounding Yourself with Genius

1.     Create a target list of geniuses you want to know.

2.     Identify your currency. What are you bringing to the table and how can your own personal genius be remotely valuable to your target?

3.     Be ready to emotionally undress first, to really give it up. Believe me, they will follow if you’re being authentic.

4.     Follow up and be resourceful. This is key when trying to get a second date with your new contact. The more generous you are the more likely the relationship with continue.

5.     Lastly, always keep it real and remember this is about building your tribe and never about making a deal. The moment you get transactional, it’s over—so just don’t do it.

This post is dedicated to Sunny Bates <http://www.sunnybates.com/>  and my classmates at Relationship Masters Academy <http://www.ferrazzigreenlight.com/relationshipmastersacademy>.
  

Are you a Feeder or a Vampire?

Throughout my journeys in life, I have come to realize that people generally fall into two categories when it comes to their approach toward others. Some of us are “feeders”—folks who are constantly in a giving state, giving away our energy, attention and support.  The rest of us are vampires, most comfortable in a state of receiving, fueling ourselves with the generous attention, energy and efforts of others.  Vampires aren’t innately evil or bad; usually, they simply know no other way.  Whether you are a vampire or a feeder isn’t important; what does matter is that you have a clear understanding of your role within this context.

If you are a feeder, like me, you really have to be mindful to manage the feeding and to remember to keep a little for yourself. And if you are vampire you have to be mindful to diversify your feeder supply so that you don’t go hungry when your favorite feeder ends up on empty, which eventually will happen.

This analogy may seem outrageous but believe me if you start to think of the people in your life you will immediately recognize every one of them as either a feeder or a vampire.

What is also interesting to note is that feeders will always be attracted to vampires and vampires will always be attracted to feeders. It’s a natural but dangerous symbiosis. Both have a tendency to cross the line with the other, go too far, give or take too much. Out of self preservation, both would seem to have a responsibility to stay within safe limits with each other, but this is rarely the case.

If you find you are a feeder giving to one too many vampires who are sucking the life out of you, the following tips will help you arm yourself emotionally and mentally against this mind drain. And if you’re a vampire who relies on lots of feeders in order for you to be productive and fulfilled, these tips will help ensure you get what you need.

Tips for Feeders
·      Create boundaries and exercise discipline with these boundaries. This will prevent you from over extending yourself beyond a healthy level.

·      Communicate your expectations clearly, early, and often with the vampires in your life. You are allowed to let them feed but don’t allow them to have a three-course meal. Appetizers only. You can’t ask a vampire not to feed for it’s his nature. You can’t win against nature.


·      The most important thing to remember is to feed yourself first. If you don’t fuel your passions and attend to your own well being first and foremost, there will be nothing there for you or your vampires. The more you feed others the more replenishing you require.

·      Cherish your relationships with other feeders. They can be a source of strength and inspiration when you need it most.

Tips for Vampires

·      Don’t depend on a single energy source. Spread your hunger across a variety of feeders who can meet your variety of needs.

·      Honor your feeders. Acknowledge that they are a source of energy and fulfillment in your life and express your gratitude for their generosity.

·      Draw a line of respect between yourself and the fellow vampires in your life. Vampires love other vampires but power struggles often surface. Be cognizant of the boundaries necessary in these relationships for they are just as important as they are with feeders.

This post is dedicated to all the beautiful feeders and provocative vampires in my life. I acknowledge, honor and respect members of both these tribes, for genius dwells on both sides. 


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