7 Laws to Building Relationships

Recently I had dinner with a circle of new friends that have come into my life in the most unexpected ways. In a short time, I have learned a few things from these friends and others about how to grow and sustain your global tribe.  In the spirit of passing it forward, here are seven great insights to consider when building substantive new relationships.

1. Intimacy first. 

Rather than date your new friends, I say go straight into emotional intimacy mode with them. Because this is rarely done well, especially in the United States, you will seem more open and available, which is appealing.  So rather than picking off the leaves of the artichoke layer by layer, go straight for the heart.  

2. No transactional behavior allowed. 

I have said this before and will say it again, no transactional behavior allowed. When meeting new, interesting people, don’t come to the table in a transactional frame of mind. This means no pitching, soliciting, or posturing allowed.  What works best is sharing the quest for a good time without any expectations of returns. Your job is to focus on the connection and to provide meaning to the experience.

3. Your stories are your currency.

 I find this law to be especially true when meeting people of great wealth or power. Instead of shying away from these potentially rewarding relationships because of class hang-ups, dive right in and know your portfolio of life stories is all you need. This is tried-and-true.

4. Bring your partner along on the journey. 

Many of us meet amazing new people and keep them all to ourselves never bringing our partners into the fold of newfound fun. Be mindful to include your immediate tribe early on into the relationship so they feel included in your relationship-building journey. Many of us grow apart from our partners because we don’t bring them along on own growth experiences. It doesn’t have to be that way.

5. 14 days is all you have. 

If you meet someone amazing, be sure to follow up and have lunch or dinner with that person within 14 days of meeting him or her. Take risks, get intimate, share your whole self quickly (soft and hard assets) and reach out sooner than later.

6. Be a connector. 

When you meet new minds find out what they love, what they hate, what inspires them and what keeps them up at night and be proactive to add value early on. The best way to do just that is to broker new connections on their behalf. Introduce them immediately to other new friends and constantly add to the tribe as you are cultivating it. Don’t wait to make introductions after a year, do it early on. For example, If you know someone is heading to Japan and you have friends there, make a call, send an email and connect your new friend with an old friend.  Be proactive and the value of these friendships will grow exponentially.

7. Sustain the connection.

I think the greatest challenge many of us have is when we meet interesting people is that we start to get close and then we don’t do the work necessary to sustain the relationship. Relationships are like gardens, they need lots of love, sunlight, water, fertilizer, and sometimes they need pruning. Be mindful to water your garden or another gardener will come along and take your place.

 And that’s one to grow on!

Comments

[Caroline]

Thanks, Gina, for these inspired insights. I call it serendipity...but you're right, if one doesn't nurture a chance encounter it's almost as if it didn't happen !